


The Price She Paid

by river_rose_writer_314



Category: Tortall - Tamora Pierce
Genre: Feminism, Gen, Mentors, Reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2020-06-30 14:36:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19855231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/river_rose_writer_314/pseuds/river_rose_writer_314
Summary: Alanna the Lioness reflects on growing older, the way the world has changed and the sacrifices she's made.





	The Price She Paid

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: I do not own these characters or this setting, those belong to Tamora Pierce. I've just borrowed them for a bit.   
> DISCLAIMER 2: I am not a medical professional, nor do I have personal experience of chest binding. Depictions in this fic are based on information I have found online. It should be noted that I couldn't find any studies on the long term effects of binding.

As much as she didn’t like to admit it, Alanna the Lioness was getting older. She felt herself growing more tired each month, the winter brought with it aching joints and cold that cut her to the bone, and if she looked closely at her fiery red hair, she could pull out strands off ashen grey. 

She would like to say that she took it well. She would like to say that she aged gently and gracefully, never giving up the spark that had allowed her to burn so bright for all those years. But Alanna knew she was lying to herself. She knew there was only a matter of time before she would have to give up knighting all together and she didn’t know how she’d cope with it. She’d been fighting one way or another for all her life, how could she give that up? 

She knew in her heart that this would be her last journey as a knight- the journey back to Corus to watch her squire go through the Ordeal as she had all those years ago. Speaking of her squire, where had that girl got to? 

There she was, tending to the horses while Alanna set up camp. She was a good girl, not exceptional in anything, but hardworking enough and willing to help with anything. My girl will do well. A gruff smile graced the knight's face and for a moment she forgot about her aches and pains. The journey hadn’t been easy on her ageing body, but it was worth it to see her squire pass the final test, as she knew she would. That didn’t stop her from sending a prayer to the Goddess to watch over her, though. 

“Can I help you with your back?” Alanna looked up to see her squire looking at her with a mixture of expectancy and concern. She was about to snap that she wasn’t that old and that she was meant to look after the younger woman when she considered that she might, just this once, appreciate the offer. 

“Yes,” she responded. “If it’s not too much trouble.”

Alanna was already just wearing an undershirt and her breeches, so she simply lay down on her bedroll as her squire went to work. 

“Well, if you don’t pass your ordeal, you could make good money as a massage-giver.” Alanna joked. Her squire didn’t respond. “Something worrying you?”  
“My lady, Sir Alanna. Something’s wrong with your spine. Meaning no disrespect.”  
Of course. The girl’s father was one of the best healers in the land, and had been a real thorn in Alanna’s side for four years so long ago. He had clearly taught his daughter something, even though she didn’t have the gift.   
Alanna shrugged, a difficult feat given that her squire had her pinned to the ground. “I got that as a page. And a squire for that matter. Bandages tight around the chest every day for eight years did a number, you know,”  
“Oh my lady, that’s terrible!”  
“It’s the price I paid. I wanted to be a knight, and if I had to become Alan to do so, then that’s just what I had to do.”  
Queenscove hesitated for a moment before asking “Do you ever regret it?”  
“No.” Alanna didn’t even think about her answer. Every time she went to the palace, there were more girls than ever in the pages' wing, in the Queens riders, as guards, even as diplomats and merchants. And she couldn’t help thinking that everything that she had to go through was worth it. Every time she got on her horse and rode to answer the call of adventure, every time she lifted her sword and put on her armour she knew that this was where she was meant to be. Her only regret was that she could not go on forever. 

“Queenscove, I didn’t regret it for a moment. It’s not just for me, you know. I’m so proud of Lady Knight Mindelan, and every girl in the riders, and every girl who saw my example and realised they could do it too. I’m proud of you, too, and I know you’re going to serve Tortall well when I can’t anymore-I’m getting older, there’s no use denying it. And if a few misplaced ribs are the price I have to pay for that, then I’ll gladly pay it again and again. Now. Let me massage you. You’ll want a good rest before your Ordeal.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!! I hope you enjoyed.


End file.
